Exploring identity, non-self, and the poetic vanishing act of gothic style through a Tantric Buddhist lens
Who am I, when no one is looking—and even then, I am no longer there?
The boots stand upright. The coat waits patiently. The ring glints on the dresser like a relic. But the one who wears them – flickers, folds, vanishes in the very act of becoming.
This is not fashion. This is a veiled invocation.
I do not dress to define myself. I dress to disappear with precision.
Each gesture, each garment, is both appearance and unmaking.
Black velvet, sheer silk, the glint of jet – they beckon and undo.
Who am I?
In Tantric Tibetan psychology, the self is not a core, but a choreography – subtle winds of thought, breath, karma, sensation.
There is no fixed essence – only a dance of emptiness taking temporary shape.
The more closely I look, the less I find.
Like incense curling in still air, the self reveals itself only to vanish again.
Even the voice that asks “Who am I?” dissolves before the question finishes forming.
There is no “I” behind the voice. Only the echo, and then the silence.
And still – what beauty in this vanishing.
To dress, then, is to summon form without attachment.
To layer the bodiless self in tactile reminders that we are here… briefly, exquisitely.
Black is not the colour of death. It is the colour of origin. Of space before speech. Of the open sky behind thought.
To walk in this aesthetic is not to declare identity – but to compose the poetics of non-identity.
Glamour, here, becomes a shimmering no-self: bold, ephemeral, undomesticated.
This is not absence. This is the freedom to appear, disappear, and reappear differently.
I am not who I was.
I am not who you expect.
I am not even the one who writes this line.
I am velvet dissolving into dusk.
I am the hush before the self takes shape.
I am the mirror that reflects, then forgets.
About Notitia Health
Notitia is an ancient word meaning “a state of being known”—but also “attending to.” At Notitia Health, we explore the poetic intersections of Tantric Tibetan Buddhist psychology, wellness, and gothic glam rock aesthetics. We believe health is not just clinical or physical—it is revelatory, alchemical, and felt through the subtle textures of body, psyche, and soul. Our writing, our clothing, and our contemplative practice invite a return to mystery, atmosphere, and the liberating intimacy of the unknown.
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